Always Family Center

The New York Times recently ran an article titled “Quick Getaways, at the Divorce Hotel“.  It was about a business called “Divorce Hotel” where couples could check in married and check out divorced.  The business would provide a schedule, legal advice, whatever the couple needed to get through the divorce process.  Although the article says that the concept is applied in Europe, they hope to bring the idea to the United States.

I’m a little hesitant, but I think that for some people this could be a great model.  We have often talked about doing something we’ve named “Destination Divorces” where we would take couples on a cruise or vacation to Hawaii or something like that and during the trip we could relax, for example over an extended weekend, and have some ocean views while stepping through the divorce process.

The price could actually be less than many divorces that go to court! Imagine that! You would get to be in a pampered environment, and have a meeting or two each day related to the divorce, and you could be done quickly and spend less money than going to court!

This model could work really well in a Collaborative Divorce setting where the couple agrees to each hire a Collaboratively trained lawyer and that they will not go to court with those lawyers. In a sense, this just makes the Collaborative process a little shorter by making the time between meetings less and makes the environment much more fun! It could also work in a mediation environment. The mediator (or mediators, if you are using co-mediation with a male and female team of mediators) would run all the meetings and provide a summary of the agreements at the end.

To make this work, the couple would need to have all their financial information collected and shared beforehand.  In my view, there would also have to be an option to not come to final agreements or to have the ability to not agree at all.  Some people just need to sleep on things for a week or two before deciding, rather than just sleeping on a decision for one or two nights.  Also, some cases are not going to settle and it would be inappropriate to hold someone hostage, even in a sunny tropical environment, unless they agree.  So, as long as that was clear, it seems like many couples could do quite well in this sort of pampered environment!

The book Hold Me Tight by Sue Johnson has a lot of interesting ideas surrounding the issues of communication between couples. I was lucky to be fortunate enough (see video below) to sit down with the author herself (through Skype) to discuss her perspectives on relationships, both what she believes to be the causes of conflict and the best ways to resolve them. Not only is the book informative, but it includes exercises that are meant to help the reader understand their situation and move forward in a healthy way.

By observing the patterns in the way people connect and disconnect, Sue believes that there is a way to help in the future to short-circuit future similar conflict patterns. She is able to recognize the core problems without being distracted by superficial details of conflict. Sue argues that the idea of dependence on another individual is not a negative attribute as so many believe it to be. As humans, we are meant to function with and depend and rely upon each other and that kind of connection makes not only the individuals stronger, but the relationship as well.